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Lightning Bolt Gives You All the Strength of Steven Seagal
Filed under: Fandom
In times of strife and turmoil, when fate seems bent on discouraging me, I often pause to reflect on the power wielded by Steven Seagal. He is mighty and unflappable. No matter what problems beset him, he responds quickly and decisively, generally by shooting someone or blowing something up. How often I have wished that I, too, could possess the strength evident in the squinting actor and lawman's every move. So how did I not know until this minute that Steven Seagal has a line of energy drinks called Lightning Bolt, which one assumes fills the imbiber with all the powers of Steven Seagal? During all my afflictions and woes, why did no one inform me that Zen-like wisdom and ponytailed physical excellence were readily available in a 16-ounce can?
The drink's website, which likes to mis-punctuate "its" as "it's," very strongly implies that Seagal devised the formula for Lightning Bolt his own self, conjuring images of Seagal in a white lab coat, mixing chemicals in beakers while occasionally stopping to deliver a roundhouse kick to an oncoming attacker. "Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt energy drinks are as unique as the man who created it," the website says, using "it" when it means "them." Where most energy drinks derive their power from massive amounts of caffeine, Lightning Bolt has none of it beyond the small amount found in green tea extract, which is one of the ingredients. The other ingredients are all natural, and Lightning Bolt was the first energy drink to contain Tibetan goji berries, not to mention Asian cordyceps! Whatever those are!
Alec Baldwin Becomes Latest to Threaten Retirement
Filed under: Fandom, Newsstand
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In case you haven't noticed, one of the hottest trends of 2009 so far has found popular actors threatening to retire from the business for good. First we had Joaquin Phoenix do his little absurd actor-turned-rapper-turned-performance-artist thing (which was popular and relevant for all of about three days), and then we had Viggo Mortensen kinda half-retire before taking it all back, and now there's Alec Baldwin -- who, in a new interview with Men's Journal (via The Hollywood Reporter), admits that he's had about enough of acting, considers his entire career a "failure" and claims that he'll retire once his stint on 30 Rock is up.My first reaction: What's up with Men's Journal, and why do actors feel the need to announce their retirement through them? Mortensen's whole snafu came from an interview with Men's Journal, and now Baldwin. Is Men's Journal now the publication actors will turn to when they want to semi-announce their retirement in spectacular (and somewhat moronic) fashion? I mean, really Alec? You consider your career a failure? Tell that to the middle-aged aspiring actor working six jobs in Los Angeles just so he can call home once a week to tell his family that the second assistant's assistant's assistant on the Viagra commercial really thought he showed promise as a background extra, and that all those years of hard work are finally paying off.
The First 'Iron Man 2' Poster Appears!
Filed under: Action, Paramount, Fandom, Newsstand, Movie Marketing, Comic/Superhero/Geek, Remakes and Sequels, Posters
Marvel Studios, Paramount and Jon Favreau have given you an early Christmas present. Yahoo! Movies has debuted the first poster for Iron Man 2, and as cheesy as it is to go nuts over marketing, it's an awfully cool poster. It's their exclusive, so you'll have to click the picture to see the entire thing, but I've given you a tiny preview above.
The best part? Those of us who didn't get to see the pants-wetting footage at Comic-Con finally get a glimpse at War Machine! There's something deliciously geeky about the buddy cop stylings of this poster. I could live quite comfortably in a world where Iron Man 2 was something akin to a super-suited Lethal Weapon, couldn't you?
Of course, as nice as the poster is, it's no substitute for seeing these guys actually take flight. Faverau has hinted via Twitter that we might see the first Iron Man 2 trailer this Christmas, and that it'll be attached to that other Robert Downey Jr. franchise, Sherlock Holmes. Maybe if you're very good boys and girls, Santa will grant your wish, and we'll get it a few days before Holmes hits theaters. I can't think of a more festive way to ring in the holidays than with a flying hero of red and gold.
Serious Scores: Goblin
The appropriately named prog rock band Goblin is most famous for their collaboration with Dario Argento on his gory giallo films, especially Suspiria, arguably Argento's most well-known and best film to date. Goblin provided Argento with unforgettable soundtracks to Tenebre, Phenomenon, and Deep Red, as well as Argento's 2001 film Sleepless, which brought the band back together again after 22 years. I'm ashamed to say I have not yet seen Sleepless, but after sitting through Argento's more recent movies like Do You Like Hitchcock? and even Mother of Tears, I'm a little wary.Goblin also supplied soundtracks to other Italian horror movies, as well as giallo and soft porn director Joe D'Amato's Beyond the Darkness. They did the soundtrack to George Romero's Dawn of the Dead, aka Zombi, under the name The Goblins; much later, Shaun of the Dead used one of the songs from the soundtrack in their film as one of many sly nods to the zombie classic.
First Glimpses of 'The Voyage of The Dawn Treader'
Filed under: Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Fandom, 20th Century Fox, Family Films, DIY/Filmmaking, Newsstand, Movie Marketing, Remakes and Sequels, Images
Over the holiday weekend, we received our first official glimpse of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. This is a film that hasn't really attracted a lot of fervent interest or rumor-mongering, something that seems to have marked the ill-fated series as a whole.
But Dawn Treader is coming, with Michael Apted at the helm and 20th Century Fox directing its trade wind. I know I've stated it a million times before, but this is one Narnia installment that I'm desperate to see. It was my favorite of the books, and the film might actually work on a level that Wardrobe and Caspian haven't. There was more to be mined from those first two books than the films managed, but Dawn Treader is rather glossy and adventurous, a series of "What's that -- oh no!" moments that should make for a pretty entertaining movie. Sure, there's the heavy handed morality tale of selfish cousin Eustace, but that's a pretty simple thing to translate since it's a lesson as old as Grimm's -- bad kids are punished, regardless of religious inclination!
Narnia has chosen to launch its first images in a very unlikely place: Facebook. A production blog has started up there, and the first images were tacked onto the end of it. It should be fun to follow along with as we inch closer to its release date of December 2010. Meanwhile, the photos are in the gallery, and they certainly are pretty to look at.
The Return of Jessica Alba?
Filed under: Casting, Deals, RumorMonger, Fandom, Newsstand
Sure, some would suggest that Jessica Alba really can't return to form since there never was a form to begin with. But there definitely was a time when Alba was an "It" girl -- the type to grace numerous magazine covers and star in big, flashy films like Sin City and The Fantastic Four. But then her star began to fade as she clumsily starred in one cruddy flick after another (Into the Blue, Good Luck Chuck, The Eye, Awake, The Love Guru), and with other, more sensational young actresses attempting to make their mark in Hollywood, Alba sort of fell by the wayside.
But now the gal has positioned herself with a few pretty interesting upcoming projects, including two produced by Robert Rodriguez (Machete, The Insiders), one that's based on a very good novel (An Invisible Sign of My Own) and one that finds the actress taking things farther than she's ever gone before (The Killer Inside Me). While I'm sure the girl will manage to land roles beyond these four projects, they will still serve as proving ground for Alba. Is she a "real" actress? Can she turn out an awards-caliber performance? Can she still sell lots of movie tickets? Is she worthy of our attention?
Before you answer those questions, head after the jump to find out more about her new films.
Now 'New Moon' Prevents Skin Cancer!
Filed under: Fandom, Newsstand
It's a slow news day, so forgive me for dipping back into the New Moon well. But it's impossible not to! Not only is the series encouraging abstinence, making men feel inadequate, and provoking all manner of "Is it or isn't it dangerous reading" debates, now the film is responsible for keeping girls away from the tanning salon. According to The Daily Mail, sales of pale foundation is soaring as girls seek to emulate the bloodless pallor of the Cullens.Some are taking issue with the statistics, and pointing out that it is winter, when even the most outdoorsy girl forgoes her tan and has to buy foundation to match her winter skin. Or is supposed to. With tanning salons and spray tans being common in every strip mall, not many girls willingly abandon their shade of bronze. But now, tan skin makes Edward Cullen sad. Or turns him off. Either way, girls now want to be as pale and ethereal as their favorite immortal, a trend that the Daily Mail labels "sinister."
Unless they're mimicking pre-modern Europe and practicing bloodletting to achieve the desired skin tone, I think this actually a New Moon trend that could prove quite beneficial. Not only will it encourage girls to stop damaging their skin for fashion, but it'll give a self-esteem boost to the girls doomed to such burns and fairness that they might as well be vampires. As one such lass (and you wouldn't believe the "Go get a tan!" snark that's come my way), I will embrace this Twilight trend, and give Stephanie Meyer a grudging bit of applause.
Discuss: Who Would be the Most Profitable Director if ...
Filed under: Fandom
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What if a new movie was coming out and the only information we had was the name of the person directing? This was a discussion my friend and I had over the long holiday weekend, where we pondered a situation where a heavily-marketed film was coming out, and in the TV spots, trailers and billboards, all we were told was the date the film was arriving in theaters alongside the director's name. We then began to wonder which director would not only create the most buzz, but would also make the most money. Whose name is the strongest commercially right now -- is this person also the most talented, and if not, then what does that say about us and why we choose to spend most of our money on a weaker product?
Of course the first three names we spit out were James Cameron, Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg. In our opinion, these three men would make the most money at the box office if all we knew was the simple fact that they were coming out with a new film and nothing else. Seeing as Spielberg can go either small or large, we then narrowed it down to Bay or Cameron -- mainly because both are known for event-type films. My friend ultimately chose Cameron, whereas I went with Bay only because I feel he's a little more relevant at this moment in time and for this specific generation (though Avatar may certainly change that).
A second tier of names included Quentin Tarantino and the Wachowski Bros., though keep in mind the marketing cannot mention the other films these folks have directed -- only their name and the release date. For argument's sake, we're giving it a rating of PG-13 (just to take that off the table).
So, then, have at it. In your opinion, given the circumstances, who would be the most profitable director?
Is This the Next 'District 9'?
Filed under: Deals, Fandom, Newsstand
By: Zachary HermannCount Sam Raimi among the people who saw District 9 and thought, "Gee, why can't more studios put out budget-conscious gems like this?" The Spider-Man director will be playing Peter Jackson to his own Neill Blomkamp of sorts, a Uruguayan director by the name of Federico Alvarez. After the buzz around Alvarez's alien invasion short (posted below for your viewing pleasure) Panic Attack! had him making rounds in Los Angeles, Raimi's production shop Ghost House Pictures signed the director for what will be Alvarez's feature film debut.
The reports have been translated from Uruguayan newspaper El Paris, but here's what everyone seems to agree on -- the feature, like District 9, will be budgeted in the $30-40 million neighborhood and Raimi will take on a mentor role, thus saving Alvarez from the ugly, business part of things. The picture will shoot in Buenos Aires, Argentina, and Montevideo, Uruguay and will likely involve giant robots, which play a big part in Panic Attack! What is unclear is if this feature-length will be based on Panic Attack! at all.
Read the rest and watch the original short over at SciFi Squad
Their Best Role: Nicole Kidman in 'To Die For'
Filed under: Comedy, Drama, Fandom, Nicole Kidman
Welcome to a new series here on Cinematical where we select an actor or actress and the role we think is their all time best.
There is no doubt about it, Nicole Kidman is a big old movie star. But, what's always struck me as a little odd is that when you ask most people what they think of the actress, more often than not the reactions aren't all that positive. As for box-office, it's not like her numbers are going to blow you away either. But neither of those things have stopped Kidman from joining the ranks of A list actresses. So yeah, her career has spanned two continents and she has become an icon of glamor, but when it comes to her work as an actress, I happen to think that she peaked in 1995 in Gus Van Sant's dark comedy, To Die For. In Van Sant's film, Kidman played Suzanne Stone, a loose approximation of Pam Smart (the high school teacher who was convicted of conspiring with her 15-year-old lover, and his three friends to kill her husband), a ruthless and truly terrible person who will use her looks and just anything else she can get her hands on to make her dreams of stardom come true.
It was her role in the Aussie thriller, Dead Calm, which had Kidman as a grieving mother in a fight to the death with a psycho on the open sea that first caught the attention of Hollywood. Kidman had a charisma and natural beauty on screen that must have seemed like the perfect fit for blockbuster stardom -- and that's where things started to change. In her subsequent roles in the big budget racing flick, Days of Thunder, she was basically 'the girl', before turning to her first Hollywood role as a bad guy in the '93 thriller, Malice. But her turn as a con-woman in that film was no match for her performance as the murderous meteorologist in Van Sant's black comedy.
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Alec Baldwin Becomes Latest to Threaten Retirement
The First 'Iron Man 2' Poster Appears!
The Return of Jessica Alba?
Now 'New Moon' Prevents Skin Cancer!_thumbnail.jpg)
Discuss: Who Would be the Most Profitable Director if ...
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